To the man I’d look up to no matter how tall I grow

What’s a father like? Ah. Some sort of authoritarian figure? Or just your mother’s husband? Umm OR your best man? J

Yea we hate the days we’re yelled at, the days we’re made to feel embarrassed before our friends circle and other such occasions. But what about the days that we’re made to feel special. Or maybe just the day that we were born. Or the days we were looked out for not by our friends but by this one man who thinks the world of us despite ALL our flaws. Nah those don’t even seem to matter while they last. It’s only when he’s not around that we realise his worth. But why wait for tomorrow or even the day after when we can acknowledge him today? Yeah we all feel it deep within but what’s its worth if not expressed in words to this ONE man among all the other men who loves us unconditionally no matter what.

For all these Father’s Days that came by in my life this one’s really special. He’s not here with me today but I guess that’s what makes me realise his worth all the more and I’m very grateful for every little thing he’s done for me in the best fifteen years of my life that I shared with him. He may not have been the kind of man that expressed how much he really cared but his actions said it all. He made sure I had the best and I still do. Yeah worldly pleasures considered too. But that’s not exactly what I’m referring to out here. He made sure I had the Best Mother and the Best Brother. No they’re not the best in the world..That would be an insult to the rest right? But BEST for ME. The Best home and a wonderful family life. Not everyone’s that lucky. But I was and still am J

Each of us are lucky in some way or the other. But taking that for granted, that’s where we go wrong. Totally wrong! When this luck doesn’t quite got our way it’s a horrid reality to face. But if it’s valued all along the way you still consider yourself lucky even though life may not be as lovely as it were once upon a time.

To be honest, I don’t really miss my Dad. I think of him now and then. At times I think of him with deeper thought. I guess that’s cause, for me he’s still here and not six feet under. Thinking of moments I shared with him and maybe those that I’ve missed out on cause he’s no longer on the face of the earth but under it, this is what came to mind:

You were the light inside of me Dad, you still are. Something I came to see only when you were gone. I took you for granted but you going away? No that’s something I never wanted. You never really let the sunlight fall on my face. You went through all the pain but gave me strength by flashing a plain beautiful smile. That’s what made you so special. And moreover our relationship the way it was and is. You may have gone for the world but your memories are so dear that I feel you around me. You’re the inspiration that makes me want to put my best foot forward and fly even higher than an eagle. You’re the strong wind beneath my wings Dad. You make me shine with pure glory for myself not for the world. I cherish all that you’ve given me, every moment, every day. You’ll be in my heart forever, just like you are today. Nothing would let that fade away.

When I fail to watch out for what’s right or wrong be my eyes. When I’m confused help me be wise. You’re the perfect example of what I’d ever want to be. Yes, a mother and daughter grow real close and share every little secret. But a father, well he’s just a daughter’s hero and the man she would look for in her husband too. May not be the same for every daughter. But you were just THAT to me. You taught to me how to be strong and live life no matter what. If I can face any possible situation today, it’s because you set me an example. An example I just had to follow. No matter how bad it hurts it’s worth a come back. Just because what lies ahead is what’s worth it all.

I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to you. But in a way I’m glad because goodbye’s the saddest word I’ve ever heard. It would hurt me so bad, knowing that it was a final goodbye. You’re still near and there’s this part of me that won’t let go. I don’t want it to either. You left me memories worth cherishing. And I will do so till the end of time. I’ve dreamed about being back home. We’ve had the best times there. I still imagine you rock your chair and how I would come to you when Mum would yell and all you would do was push me back into that hell. Oh how I hated you then but today I realise it was all for my goodwill. Our evenings were fantastic, we would hop on the bike and go out to play. I wish those times were here to stay.

I’ve tried to search within myself in times of emptiness hoping that it would all melt away. Maybe it takes a lot more that that. Well I’m trying to gather the strength and carry on. Help me through it all. I’m done with gazing across the wasted years. Help me cast away my silent tears and look out for the real world.

You were the first man in my life and will always be the best. Yes, I thought you had flaws too but what made  you so fine was that you believed that I was perfect. That’s just what a daughter would want from her father. All the years I spent with you were clearly the best ones I ever knew. You yelled at me, I got all upset. But at the end of the day I knew you loved me and what else could make it so perfect. In the last two years I haven’t shed a tear in your memory, maybe because I know you’re still with me. Not in person but you’re there. I can still talk to you. And that’s what I totally value. You may not be there to walk me down the aisle  but in my heart you’re with me through every mile.

One fine day I’ll find my Prince Charming. But no matter what, you’ll always be my King. Happy Father’s Day Dad.

Yours always,