There are a few people that you will always remember no matter what, no matter how long ago you met, no matter how distant you are now – those are your friends.
At the end of almost two decades of my life I go back to think about all those friends I made along my journey of life. Some stayed, some walked away, some I walked away from. And now, we’re all in our own Worlds doing our own thing. Sometimes it’s so difficult to fathom the fact that we’re this far apart after all that time we spent together. From knowing everything about each other to now, barely talking. And I know that tomorrow if we bump into each on some crowded street in the city, we’ll catch up from where we left off. But it still hurts to even think about all that time we missed in between the previous encounter to this one. I don’t know when we’ll meet next but I always hope we do.
I remember when we met and started off from. Some of us didn’t exactly start on the right note, but we shared the best times together. Some of us hit it off instantly but today, it’s not quite the same.
We were about six years old and it was our first day at school. All strange faces and all new names. Amidst that crowd we found each other and held hands seeking for comfort and from that day on, it’s been the same way. We bore with each other, we fought throughout school. We didn’t talk for years. And when I realised what I was missing then, I realised it was you. Poking fun at each other and eventually just making up, boy. Those were the best days I had. And I will always remember how we’d our arms around each other when the days weren’t as nice. I miss all that. I miss you.
We were about fourteen years old and discovering our new found fascination, boys. We shared our first tingles and talked about our crushes for hours. We cried over heartbreaks and blushed over new hook ups. Some of us shared the same love and defied the concept of “not falling for your best friend’s boyfriend”. But after all that we learned that no boy could ever get in between us because what we shared was something they couldn’t compare to. That there’s a parallel drawn between these two relationships of boyfriends and girlfriends and there’s no room for a cross over.
At sixteen we had to make choices and choose careers over friendships. Some of us moved out, some of us stayed. Me here, her there and the other one right out there. College life set in and so did new friends but we kept in touch. We learnt that we didn’t have to sit across the table to comfort each other but a call or even a text made a difference. We maintained what many failed to even start. It gladdens me to know that I am a part of something this real.
At eighteen we came to life. We hit the roads of the real world and got started with our own lives as individuals. Each of us busy doing our own thing. Each of us struggling with our own issues, concerns and insecurities. But even if it meant meeting each other once a year, we could forget it all and just have fun. We’ve chatted and chatted for hours at times. Despite busy college lives and all the drama we face, a morning greeting or a simple good night made a difference to our days. I adore you, I adore us for having come this far.
It’s been over three years now. We’ve been distant. It hurts knowing that you have to fight your own battles and not have anyone to talk to about the same. I know so because I feel so at times too. No matter how many new friends we make, we know that we can be ourselves just with each other. We may compliment and encourage each other most often but when need be we would tell each other off too. We share the comfort where opinions are welcome and it isn’t just a diplomatic response at all times. We may be harsh in our opinions but it’s never meant any harm but goodwill. I know we’re real because our love and concern is real. It isn’t all about comforting each other but helping each other cope with reality when necessary and standing by each other rather than convincing ourselves to back out.
I miss all that we used to do. I miss having you beside me right now. But I also know that when I need you, you’ll be there for me just like I’ll be there for you. I’ve learnt that our relationship is not bound by time or distance – it’s beyond such worldly boundaries.
I feel sad when I think of those who aren’t as close as they used to be. But please know that I will always love you. A fight or disagreement now doesn’t change what I once felt for you. As for the rest, we’ve all been through a lot of shit together to ever step down now.
Things are tough on us, all of us. It is difficult to do what we used to do. But deep within, I am holding on to you even if it may not be in person. You’re much more than just a friend, you’re family to me. Together we’re stronger than when alone. It’s us against the World. There’s more joy, there’s more sorrow, there’s more love, there’s more craziness. And I don’t mind the insanity because it gives me the assurance that we can deal with greater crap that may come our way.
So many years together, some apart. In this crazy city, I’ve made many more friends, I’ve found a new life. But there’s always some part missing and that is you. I’ve loved you. I love you. I always will love you.
PS. Gomes, you too.