Within My Own Limitations


Right at this moment as I stare at my laptop screen there is so much more happening around the World! There’s a mother giving birth to her child, there are people rushing to work, there’s a couple making love to each other, there are families breaking, there are group plotting against another nations, there are federations trying to promote peace, there’s an infant who has probably said her first words, a person celebrating his 100th birthday, a father walking his daughter down the aisle, a mother teaching her son to walk, while a young girl is probably learning to break her first egg. There is so much happening and yet, as I sit still my life still seems so overwhelming.

I’ve reached a point where I’ve come to realise life’s too good to make it seem so bad. This gift of life has given me so much the least I could do is live it and not lie depressed.

You can wonder about why someone did what they did to you or why things turned out the way they did. But what’s the point? It doesn’t change a thing. The whole concept about “why me?” it leads nowhere but to a place with no answers but just further complications. After a while, you must learn to come off it. That’s what I’ve had on my mind for a while – to learn to come off living like a coward and cursing all that went wrong.

Adventure is something I seek. And it’s like one’s imagination, it can get wild. I want to go wild. When I say wild, I don’t mean the impossible. Joy for me is found in very simple things. I want to explore – the World and myself. I am not a lot of things but maybe I could be. I’ve had my moments when I’ve wanted to be someone else and yes, I’ve tried stepping into their shoes too. It took me a while but eventually I took in the fact that if they’re everything I’m not, I’m all that they aren’t either – brilliant in our own ways. Insecurities played their role in my life not anymore. There are times when I regret being so lost and unaware but then at most times, I’m happy being the way I am.

I am the kind who watches rom-coms and wishes her life was just like that. I am the kind who believes in small joys. I am the kind who believes in family over friends. I am the kind who watches prime time series and cries when they end badly. I am the kind who would rather stay home than party all night. I am the kind who would drink bottles of coke than knock down shots and still get high. I am the kind who loves reading Nicholas Sparks novels and imagines life to be that way and then watches the movies and hopes for that kind of love with tears in my eyes. I am the kind who would prefer walking around in boxers than actually pulling up a pair of jeans. I have my own blonde moments, as we call them. I read romance. I adore artists on screen and that list never ends. I talk to myself most of the time because there seems to be no one else, sometimes out loud and sometimes in my head. I believe in God and my faith blindly and don’t go out challenging it. It seems boring, it seems cliché, and it seems typical. Maybe it is but even in all this there’s still a lot to explore. You don’t have to be the type people want you to be or the type that the World finds ideal and adores. I don’t think, I have to be that.

Giving the important things a break, I want to focus on the less important things. At times I feel they bring me a lot more happiness than the supposed important things in life. And maybe, just maybe, I find what I’ve really been looking for all this while in that zone anyway.

Coming from a wanderer’s mind. A mind that can’t get itself to think about the future yet. A mind that wants it simple and not complicated. A mind that wants the usual and not perfection.