She lay silently in the shadows of her own past, back to empty pillow talk. She tucked in, burying her face into the dampness of her pillow – with all the tears that rolled down her eyes. Confined by her heartache, trapped within her four walls.
He was out there, being chased by his busy days. Surrounded by friends, having the time of his life. His world lit up by bright light, laughter and chatter. He carried a smile and wandered into free space.
They were so close and yet so far. They were ripped apart. Partly because of his oblivious nature and partly because of her sensitive nature.
How could he not stop to caress the hurt he caused?
Every night he pleaded for her forgiveness and yet spend the day ignoring the fact that she cried through the night. He would go on like nothing ever changed between them. Though when his mind was empty, he would crawl back into her presence. He seemed to want the best of both worlds.
While on one hand, he tried so hard to win her trust. When he had it all, he shattered it to pieces.
Maybe she over thought the whole thing. But was he being fair to her in the first place?
She warned him of her ways. She sought for attention and comfort only cause she lacked it and he promised being there. She had her own insecurities but she cared more. Why did he have to get so defensive and let her down, choosing his lifestyle instead?
She yearned from him to stop and care, at least once. What were his promises worth if they were empty? Words alone are never enough.
In time, she realized he made his choice. And even if he craved to get back into her life, she knew she would never be as important as she wished to be. She believed in compromise. He, on the other hand, banked on second chances. How often could they reoccur? Once? Twice? Thrice, maybe? But then it turned into a habit that had to be broken.
Apart from his occasional apologies and his genuine “in-the-moment” promises, he made no effort to reach out to her. He expected her to always “understand”. But really, how is that humanly possible? There was no considering for ones lonesome nights and troubled mind.
She lay in the darkness while he savored brilliancy. He claimed otherwise, of course. But failed to reach out to her in time. He could have his fun but not afford some time to reason. He obliged to everyone around him but to the one girl who “supposedly” meant the World to him. He could afford a life but not a call. And again, maybe she was over thinking it in her head, again and again. But think again and it’s all right before her.
There was no one to guide her in the right direction. In the end, she had to learn from her own mistakes. Her heart wanted her to stay, he mind yelled out otherwise. She wanted one way, her sub-conscience declared the other way. Beating his constant apparent reasoning, she went by her gut. She welcomed a new day knowing it would never work out. She realized that opposites would never attract. Certainly not in this case! While his romance bewitched her, his lack of commitment repulsed her.
Tonight she lies in the silence of her room. Scarred but recovering. She’s surrounded by meaningful relationships. Some directly, and some indirectly helping her cope with moving on. She has a smile, moving from her lips to her eyes. She doesn’t regret falling in love but she doesn’t regret composing herself and moving on either. She is well aware that they’re part of the same World but she also knows that they are on their own paths. Once rosy, then gloomy and now moving on. Her vulnerable self is now secure.