What it means when she pulls away

“I haven’t ever really thought about being different or feeling emotionally needy because of who I’d become. But it was true. I always looked for the most “ideal” thing but when it got real, I always pulled away.”

There are girls who cling on to the idea of everlasting love and there are girls who pull away when this love comes knocking at their doorstep.

Has it ever occurred to you that this girl could be more damaged that she appears to be? She isn’t shying away from love. She’s scared you’ll walk away without warning. Twist? She’s the one craving the most for true love, only, she’ll never fully accept it.

At first, everything is the same. You do the things new couples do – first dates, laugh out loud, get high on popcorn and tonnes of soda, chat about everything and absolutely nothing, feel the butterflies, feel anxious over minutes of separation, smile cheek-to-cheek when you meet. Like every other love-struck couple, you are filled with excitement and nervousness, all at once.

She will do everything to make sure your relationship works out. She will make sure she keeps up the excitement and will never let the fun die out. She will make sure you are happy. But as you inch forward in your relationship, you realise there’s still a wall. Her anxiety gets the better of her, before you can.

When the going gets tough, she will blame herself for not doing enough. She will bite back with sarcasm instead of facing her inner demons. She will be harsh. Every time you have a fight, she will tell you to leave. She will do all of this because, she would rather lose you knowingly than suddenly. She fights you because she fears losing you. She pulls away because she fears needing you too much. In this case, she would rather be the one deciding her fate than have the world take it all away and leave her broken.

So you ask yourself: “Can I be with someone so guarded?“, “Am I willing to compromise on the fun and tolerate unwarranted tantrums?“, “Am I willing to wait for as long as it takes?

A girl with a bitter past or an insecure present wants to be looked after but she will never ask for it. She will not discuss her worries, because she wants to be the one to fix them. And every time she lowers her guard and lets you into her life, she will push you away and build it back stronger. She is scared of doing you wrong and in that fear, she runs farther away. You will not always understand what’s going on in her mind, and that’s okay. You need to let her take control of the situation before it takes control over her. You need to let her settle down and trust you. You need to show her how much you care and never leave (if and) when y’all hit rock bottom.

So when you date a girl who constantly pulls away, you need to understand this isn’t because she’s not ready. She pulls away because she fears being madly in love. She pulls away because she’s losing control. She pulls away to test the waters and beat the crashing waves. She pulls away so you can pull her back and love her all the way.