– August 2011 –
She wasn’t being insecure, she was just being a usual girl you’d find next door. She didn’t mind you hanging out with the other girls or having a best friend despite her being around. But not giving her even some of your attention? She’s a girl who has feelings for you. She just wanted to be your best friend, at least a good friend. She gave you the space you asked for and yet stayed close. You may be busy all day long. But not acknowledging her even once in twenty four hours, she felt hurt but didn’t say a word. We’ve advanced in recent times. You didn’t have to make a call, but just drop a text if you were that hard on time. She would be delighted. She did not want to be told how cute she looked or how pretty her dress was. She just wanted you to hold her hand in public and not feel ashamed. She longed for you to call her beautiful while you spoke of the different models you admired. She didn’t need to you be a gentleman at all times. She didn’t expect you to make it all about her. She didn’t want those expensive gifts but a hug from you meant much more. She did not need any promises to be made. She just needed to hear you voice every day to know everything was alright. She didn’t want you to fight the World for her. Your kiss fought all her fears. The scent of your body on hers helped her cope while you were away. A smile from you, and she smiled all day long.
She sat through football games with you. She heard you abuse teams she knew nothing about. She hated those you hated. She loved those you loved. She listened to all that you said when you were drunk. She laughed at your jokes even if they were not funny. She sat up all night just to give you company while you made your projects. She kept you company whenever you said you were alone. She stood by you despite it all. She chose to give you a second chance hoping to see a change. And no, she did not do all of this because she had an impression to make but because she knew it mattered to you.
She didn’t want you to wear the most expensive perfume. The sweet smell of your sweat, as you held her close to you, comforted her. She didn’t want you to be the best dressed at all times with an intelligent answer for everything. She looked out for “you”, even if it meant bearing with your cockiness. She woke every morning with the thought of a receiving a greeting from you and wouldn’t sleep until you wished her a good night’s sleep. She wanted to see you, even if you were your 6 am messy self or your sweaty self off the football field. She chose to be seen with you, she chose to be known as your girl because she was proud of you, all of you.
She didn’t mean for you to get upset when you fought. She said things she didn’t mean, you took it to heart. She apologised in all humility but yet, you chose to blame her anyway. She did what she thought was necessary to make it seem real, to make you happy, but you doubted her anyway.
All she wanted was for you to like her for who she is and not what she is. She wanted someone to stay up with her when she couldn’t sleep. She wanted someone to call her when she couldn’t bear the silence. She wanted someone to wipe her tears when she couldn’t stop crying. She wanted someone to write her a letter to make her feel special. She wanted someone to watch that movie with her because she didn’t want to watch it alone. She wanted someone to walk that extra mile with her when she felt out of place. She wanted someone to stand up for her when she was mocked. She wanted someone to be that friend who would listen to her when no else had the time. She wanted you to be that someone. She didn’t want to be flirted with. She wanted you to go down on one knee. And no, not to make you feel small but to make your love feel big – it was. She loved you and wanted to be loved back.
But it was just a joke, always a joke to you. And there she is all alone, still hoping, still waiting that maybe someday you’ll take it seriously. You’ll take her seriously.