I sit here, over 6,000 miles away from home, in a country still foreign to me. I look around for nooks and corners that will soon turn into regular haunts. I look for familiar streets and landmarks. I look for the safe place I can come home to, and feel loved and accepted in. Home to me has always been where I grew up, an address I remember almost instantaneously. And in the last few years, it’s mostly been a memory decked with stills of my childhood and young adult life. But the more I think about it, considering, the attachment isn’t with the house itslef but with those that make it home – family, friends, pets, moments. Home has always been these peoeple that ease every question and worry by really being around you with no barriers and restrictions.
Home is simply where you’re wanted and loved and appreciated.
Growing up, home was my family and always will be. It’s been my friends in the most unexpected ways. But in recent months, there’s been someone else breaking through every wall and leaving me confident as I bare every raw emotion I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. And when you find that someone, it doesn’t matter where you come from or what you’ve been through because you feel unconditional love, without questions, judgements or expectations. They won’t restrict you, they encourage you. You will find that you can be your true self—embraced and celebrated for your unique quirks and ways.
There are many things that lead to knowing when you’ve found your person, your home. It’s in those little moments where they hug you for no apparent reason, or come home and help you do the dishes without asking, or when they seek your opinion on small and big decisions, or make you your favourite dessert in the middle of the night or (un)willingly foster your ridiculous mug collection. It’s especially when they cradle you as you cry, or look to you for comfort when they’ve had a bad day, or are okay with being frustrated in your presence knowing you will understand, or will be your most honest sounding board. It’s when you live together as equals, with no job big or small. It’s when you share cooking nights and enjoy each other’s specialites. It’s when you can fall asleep in the middle of a movie and know it’s okay. It’s when you’re comfortable enough to do your own thing and not feel odd in the slightest. These moments are endless but they’re all tied together by unconditional love. They’re tied together with the promise of honesty. They’re tied together with an understanding of kindness and respect for each other. They’re tied together with a commitment of wanting a life together. They’re tied together by being each other’s best friends.
My mother always spoke of my father as her best friend, and that’s been my biggest takeaway as far as relationship advice goes. Be with someone who can be your whole and soul but more importantly, someone you can be your whole and soul with. Someone you can have an honest conversation with instead of letting any resentment get between you. Someone who leaves you feeling satisfied and determined at the same time.
To my one, my home, my soulmate, my best friend,
You say you don’t choose who you love or how you love. It’s true. It’s never easy finding “your” person but when you do, you know right away. It’s a familiar feeling, a feeling of home — the way I feel it with you. The kind of home that doesn’t have to be the most luxurious or the biggest. It doesn’t have to have floors that shine when the sun hits or a perfectly landscaped garden. It just has to be cosy and warm and hold you. It needs to shelter you and comfort you. I’m so lucky to have found that with you. They say, when you find “the one”, you just know it. It took me a while but I’m finally home, wherever I am with you.
You are my home, with your beautiful walls and floors, covered in colourful paint and etched with markings of fond memories.
Several months ago, you told me you loved me for the very first time. I remember that so vividly, and how nervous, and excited that made me feel. It felt new but also very familiar. It felt lovely to experience love in a way that made sense despite every raw vulnerability and fear. In that moment, you gave me the whole damn zoo, you still do!
You’re my favourite place in the world, the one I want to come home to and rest my tired body on at the end of every day.
Yours always and in all ways,
As we put our home together, I’ve come to realise that we don’t need a perfect home. We don’t need perfectly white walls or a couch that looks better than it feels. We don’t need a fancy dishwasher or shiny plates. We don’t need a picturesque driveway. We need a home that smells of bonfires and cookies, and tastes of laughter that echoes in every room. We need a home that is cluttered with pet toys and has a hot pot of tea always brewing. We need a home that is often busy with our parents, family and friends. We need a home that can shelter us from every storm and can shoulder our sobs when the going gets tough. All we need is each other. Just as he makes me feel good enough despite every flaw, I look at our home, our relationship, our lives as the best thing, with every barrier and limitation.