We’re faced with grief in the form of the death of a loved one, a bad break-up, the loss of a job, a tanked idea, abuse in any form, or a fatal diagnosis. These circumstances mostly come unannounced, leaving you with tear-stained faces and empty pillow talk. You’re told to live well, and just when you do, it’s all taken away from you.
Grief has a way of taking over your life that shakes your core and leaves you bare. I am 26 and have experienced most of these situations. Too young? Too soon? Why me?
According to Kübler-Ross, when burdened by loss, you usually go through a five-stage progression. For me, personally, I weave through denial, anger and acceptance. Not because of the loss endured but because of my need for control (in relationships and circumstances). I grieve because I lose control. I don’t cry when I should. I overthink when I shouldn’t. I shelve the loss and move on too quickly. I put out as the agony aunt instead of seeking help after my own heartache.
I hurt. I don’t act. I adapt.
A closer look at this model of grief and I know that will never truly progress through those stages successfully. My issues are unresolved, and my vehement insecurities often cloud my judgement. I feel the need to prove that I am okay even before I really am. In the bargain, never truly embracing the loss and emotion.
My purpose was, is and will always be to lead a life filled with love. I need to be emotionally secure and stable with myself, my people, and goals. I need to move beyond reason and doubt, and stop questioning every good thing that comes my way.
We all should, right?
At some point in those five stages, you have to find a way to get over your loss. And the only way to get over something is to go through it and embrace it − one day at a time. Go through it without burying it but by believing it. Get rid of the anger that floats beneath your skin, hidden but real and harmful.
To be emotionally stable, you have to deal with your emotions no matter how dark or dangerous. Let them crush you into pieces. Let them transform you into something beautiful. It is not easy to laugh at your pain. It is not easy to pretend like it never happened. I don’t know if I am ready to accept my fate for what it is. I am willing to try. I am willing to let go of my demons, and heal. I am willing to believe that it is not impossible to feel full again.
I hope you do too.