I am giving myself another chance and then some

I often find myself going over the past and the mistakes I’ve made. For not showing up the way I needed to, or not having the drive to reach my potential, or not being who I wanted to be. I find myself blaming today’s misfortunes on yesterday’s poor choices. It’s easy to torture yourself with the past; with not doing enough. It’s easy to look at everything that went wrong and beat yourself up about it. But finally, there’s only so far you can go until you realise it all must stop. Even so, the downward spiral ends somewhere. For some it’s shorter, for others it can go on. But we’re all learning, aren’t we? Everyday, with people and our choices, we’re learning? So I tell myself, “You must find the strength to move forward and forgive yourself. You’re only human, you will make mistakes and you will break when you fall down. You will also find your way. You constantly remind yourself that you have done the best you could given your circumstances.

Gosh, it is hard! To roll and writhe in your anxieties. It is worse to regard a mistake as a failure. Everyone asking you the same questions and you struggling to find an answer to satisty them and you. It doesn’t end there. With social media and constant scrutiny, we’re under this constant pressure to do right and do well. Even though, every so often you hear people say their life is different to the one they’re so keen to project online. And yet, they do it anyway. It’s a vicious circle, isn’t it? You project being woke and successful to be part of something despite your anxieties, only to aid the pressure for someone else. So why do we do it? Why do we continue to project a personality that isn’t ours? I can’t be one to judge, I am guilty of the same thing.

Why aren’t we allowed to fail at things we work hard for? Why aren’t we allowed to acknowledge we made a wrong decision? Why aren’t we allowed to give ourselves time? Why aren’t we allowed to be someone who is still figuring out their path?

I am done. I am done reminding myself of those times I failed or let someone down. I am done allowing someone else’s expectations define my reality. Today, I am starting over and I am admitting to being human. Finding your purpose and your way takes time. We should give ourselves that time. I know I should. I can’t go back and change the decisions I’ve made, but I can choose what I do today. And I can keep choosing, everyday. So, I am giving myself another chance, and then some, to choose, again and again.

Photo by Arno Smit on Unsplash