Over the past few months, I felt like I had finally met my new normal. Yet, forces from the universe kept knocking this new normal down, forcing me to get out of my comfort zone and reach for me. And so after months of rejections and unanswered job applications, I finally made it to payroll.
About three weeks ago, I got on the road to Canberra. Excited about a new job but terrified about the change and disruption it came with. I’ve lived in different parts of Australia; between cities and the countryside. Truth be told, during my previous visits to Canberra, I couldn’t place Canberra’s character and charm. I couldn’t tell where it fit between the big cities and small towns. Small big town? I don’t know. Yet, here I was, ready for the rumble.
In the few weeks leading up to my move, I talked endlessly to my family and friends about how I was on this journey of growth and goals. I was so excited as I told everyone who would listen, that I felt called to pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. To say I was excited for this new chapter in my life would have been an understatement. My friends and family listened and cheered me on, and encouraged me as I shared my fears. But boy, was it exciting.
Few days later, I walk into a house covered in dust and dry leaves. I walked into a into a kitchen full of food crumbs and dirty dishes, and a toilet that hadn’t been washed in weeks. To say I was disappointed and scared for this new chapter in my life would have been an understatement. There were tears I couldn’t control. And in that moment, all I wanted was to head back home. All I wanted was to curl into my partner’s arms. All I wanted was to never ever make the mistake of inspecting a house on a phone call. All I wanted was to not fuck up.
My excitement felt tainted and my mind was so torn. After all my work in giving it all for a job I know many would kill to have, I stood there wanting to go back to my cosy cocoon.
A few cries, a ton of cleaning and a lot more cursing later, I am grateful to be able to call you, Canberra, home in the last three weeks. In such a short span of time, this house and city has taught me resilience like I haven’t known before and it showed me how to channel my strength within. Truth is, despite the flaws and regrets, my room cradled me as I cried, and had this whole world outside that loved and laughed with me as I found my ground again. This experience allowed me to see my strength and gave me the courage to start this new chapter.
As I strongly believe – you live and you learn.
I wish I didn’t make the wrong turn but it led me to the right path in the end. I’ve still got a long way to go and everyday challenges to meet. I’ve still got people to curse and counters to clean. But these challenges have been temporary; the satisfaction of overcoming them however, leaves a lasting smile and a very grateful heart.