“We do it all, everything, on our own,
We don’t need anything or anyone.”
A song that I can identify with, a song that speaks in bounds about me, a song speaks of reality, a song that’s got its own beauty.
I don’t know what my world’s supposed to be like, I don’t know if I’m living up to what it is “meant” to be like. There are times when I feel that something’s missing but then at times I feel like I’m blessed rather abundantly.
Your world isn’t about having the perfect life with perfect relationships and a beautiful lifestyle but just doing the right thing with the right people. I’ve learnt that those choices make up your world and of course in Michael Jackson’s words, just slightly altered in this case, make your world a better place.
I will never know whether the friends I made were the best for me or whether the ones I chose to be with were the right company. But each one in their own way gave me a lesson and a memory for life.
You open your Facebook page and you see a thousand friends on that list on your screen and you wonder each time, “Wow, I’ve made some friends in my life.” And after a brief moment you think, “I wish I could pick my phone and talk to at least two hundred of these. friends” Yes, I’ve had those moments.
The nice way or the harsh way, the truth is, we’re on our own after all. Every move that I make is my decision. Every reaction to that move is a consequence I face alone. But sometimes you wish that you could just sit on a cliff and watch the moon and the stars at night and have a friend by your side and talk about anything you like. Just be yourself minus all your twisted truths, lies and insecurities. I would love to forget everything and everyone else and sit there and feel the goodness of sharing a “real” moment for maybe once in my life.
“Forget what we’re told before we get too old.”
Living by the norms isn’t what will make up that world. It’s funny coming from me because I’m not the kind who does the unusual anyway or lives life without caring. I don’t drink for fun or party like there’s no tomorrow or smoke up to feel the kick. But I don’t want to just sit at home and walk on the safer path always. I want to discover and start afresh. I don’t want to be part of a pretuned society but just explore places and for a change, try living on love and fresh air alone rather than live with the idea that I need money to live and miss out on life in the bargain.
I want to have a hangover on an experience that will always be remembered, with that friend who’s as true to me as he is to himself.
“I need your grace to remind me to find my own.”
It’s what I see in others that helps me figure out stuff about myself. At times they are reflections of my own behaviour and at times it tells me of what I’m not, of what I could be, of what I shouldn’t be. While at times it brings out the best in me, the other times it surfaces my insecurities.
Will I ever know where I’m meant to be? It’s something I’ll never know. But in the process of building what ideal for me I don’t want to lose what’s good for me. Be it a career option, a decision about life or sharing a relationship with another.
I just want to learn to go with it. Do whatever happens in that moment and to not stop and think for a change. Best things come in surprises. Best decisions are made on the spot. Best joys are felt when we’re not really thinking. And everything works out well when you don’t plan for it. And that’s how I want it to be. Not indifferent but not too controlling either.
I want to be that bornfree creature and discover my world.