Current status: It’s complicated

…but it’s not what you think. Who was I? What did I want? What did I stand for? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. The cold sweats started slowly and got more frequent over time – something within me wasn’t at peace. Has that ever happened to you? Random meltdowns where you question everything? Your friends and family,…

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Death matters

Growing up, I was terrified of death. I hated the thought of lying still in a box while the world went on without me. I feared losing someone and wondered what it meant to be dead. As a practicing Catholic, you wonder, do you go straight to heaven or hell? Is there no after life at all? As you grow up you simply…wonder.

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My Parents, My Superheroes

My dad was in the merchant navy and so as a child we used to sail a lot, visit different countries, and spend a lot of time together as a family in the middle of the seven seas. I still have this distinct memory of the three of us walking down the jetty one day, my hands in theirs, singing some random song I came up with in the moment. This was when I was about eight or nine and it was one of dad’s last voyages. I thought to myself, was this going to be the end of our happy bubble? Thanks to the best parents I could wish for, it wasn’t and they continue to be the biggest blessing in my life.

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Happy birthday, Dad!

Lately I’ve been feeling cold at the thought of losing you even in spirit. It’s strange how the memory of death, even after years, just seems to come more to life.

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Why Your Younger Brother Will Always Be The Best Man In Your Life

Loves are often found, they’re often lost. But when the going gets tough and you look back to who’s standing by your side… on the darkest days you will always find him right there waiting for you. Through the ups and downs, secrets and fights, it’s your brother who will always look out for you.

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Eulogy: Till We Meet Again!

Found this while rummaging through an old drawer. An old sheet of paper folded in a corner, with a handwriting far too familiar. And in a few seconds, I was back to 2008. Back to that state of mind.

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Life Over Death

It’s been so long, I barely remember your voice anymore. It’s been so long, I’ve forgotten what it feels like to feel safe. It’s been so long, I barely miss your absence anymore. The emptiness has taken over your fullness in flesh. It’s been so long, I don’t know how I feel anymore.

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Happy Father’s Day, Mum!

Can a father be replaced? Never. But can he be outdone and beaten? Yes. Believe you me, his absence can be filled and not be missed as much with a mother like mine.

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