Two years ago, I had this message on a dating app from a boy with a very cute lamb in his photos and a rather funny yet honest bio. Had to swipe right, right? His message read something like, “It’s early days, and either of us could be crazy but it’s got a good feeling…
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We all have a rehearsed set of lines similar to our Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn bios. These are usually simple yet exciting enough, witty but safe. It is the story you know people want to hear even if it is not yours to tell. It is a story of our past achievements, our future aspirations, our talents and outward appearances. It is a story meant for the file.
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There will always be people telling you they know better. There will always be people finding shame in your struggles and achievements. There will also always be you who matters most. There will always be voices of self doubt. There will always be cheers for self love. On good and bad days, there will always be love for you, from your family, friends and strangers alike.
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We are not running out of time. Our journeys will pan out as they must eventually anyway. So it is okay not knowing every once in a while. It’s okay to keep putting your building blocks together, bit by bit. It’s okay to feel confused. It’s okay to feel frustrated. It’s okay to feel everything all at once.
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Home to me has always been where I grew up, an address I remember almost instantaneously. And in the last few years, it’s mostly been a memory decked with stills of my childhood and young adult life. But the more I think about it, considering, the attachment isn’t with the house itslef but with those that make it home – family, friends, pets, moments. Home has always been these peoeple that ease every question and worry by really being around you with no barriers and restrictions.
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Sometimes self-care is writing or drawing. Sometimes it is fighting for what is right for you. Sometimes it is saying no. It could also be travelling to a new city alone. Sometimes it is doing absolutely nothing. Self-care is also telling yourself it’s okay to make mistakes; it’s okay to not know. Sometimes it is letting people see you for who you are. It is also not being ashamed of being weak. It is also accepting that you are strong.
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When you lose someone you love, you don’t simply grieve their loss. With them, you lose yourself and parts of those around you. With them, you lose friends and family and partners you thought would continually stand by you. With them, you lose light. With them, you lose love. With them, you lose a piece of kindness from your whole. With them, you lose faith in the Almighty. With them, you lose a version of life you were prepared for. With them, you lose a piece of life too.
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Love is a myriad of moments and emotions and stolen smiles. It is text messages and the kisses he leaves on your forehead, it is fears enveloped in laughter and kisses mixed with alcohol. It is holding a new pair of hands and walking in the rain. It is sharing a box of nuggets in the park and studying together by candlelight. It makes you live and helps you forgive. What it isn’t is perfection. In fact, it is anything but. Often, it can be flawed but most other times it is beautiful, just like this moment—covered in light, content, committed, warm, delicious and cuddly.
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I can’t remember the last time it was as easy to feel at home with someone you hadn’t ever met before. In between Pancake Parlour, the Coldplay concert and the 229 patio, I found two of my best friends. It’s one of the best stories to share as far as serendipitous friendships go – from attending concerts as strangers to living together as soul-friends.
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Every person we meet has a role to play in our lives. Some to teach us who we are, and some to teach us who we aren’t. This one is to all those friends whose lives crossed paths with mine. We may not still be friends but you’ve made a difference in mine, and I hope I did the same for you.
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